I Take Fenugrec for anxiety

and other things I do just because

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Hello Friends,

The baby hit her four-month sleep regression right on time, so the last six weeks have been interesting. The other day I was popping a couple of fenugrec capsules in my mouth when Nick looked at me strangely.

Me: “I take these when my milk supply is low.”

Him: “Is your milk supply low?”

Me: “I don’t know, but it makes me feel like I’m doing something.”

Him: “So really, you take it for anxiety.”

Me: uhhhhh….

I think most nursing mothers will relate when I say; I wish there were a gage on my boobs that said how much breastmilk my baby was getting. I want a rolling counter like the one on a pump at the gas station. Watching the ounces tick up and hearing a satisfying click when she’s full would be nice.

When the baby changes her routine, as they often do… When she poops five times in a day or just once in five days. When she sleeps more, sleeps less, or is gassy. When her head tilts a little to the side, just like Aiden before we found the tumor… I take fenugrec. I count dirty diapers. I Google during middle-of-the-night feedings.

These days I’m more curious than afraid of these familiar behaviors. It’s anxiety. It’s OCD. It’s grief.

I think, “There I go, being human again.”

This is where I am today. Thank you for listening.

xoxo,

Emily

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I read A LOT in May and June. Here are a few of my favorites.

Olympus Texas by Stacy Swann

I love a book with people making bad decisions as long as the poor decision fits with the character. (more)

Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer

A perfect book for spring. I discovered this while looking for titles for a U.S. citizen book project I started after reading Lies My Teacher Told Me: Everything Your American History Textbook Got Wrong. (more)

People We Meet on Vacation by Emily Henry

This is a sweet and entertaining retelling of When Harry Met Sally. I love a good will they-won't they/ opposites attract romance. (more)

The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo

This book is an experience. The characters seem so personal and the events so real that I had to keep reminding myself that the book is not a memoir. (more)

Broken (In the Best Possible Way) by Jenny Lawson

Imagine a cool darkened room, a mother nursing her four-month-old child to sleep, but the baby is bouncing up and down on the nursing pillow because the mother can't stop laughing... yeah, it was kind of like that.(more)

Anxious People by Fredrik Backman

I got wind from a few friends that they hated this novel, but I LOVE Backman's other books, so I went in with hopeful skepticism. In the end, this book made me laugh out loud and cry uncontrollably. (more)

Hello Beautiful by Ann Napolitano

I love it when a book comes to me at just the right time. They are the books I connect with most deeply and stay with me the longest. (more)

Warrior Girl Unearthed by Angeline Boulley

Turns out I do love YA, at least when the characters feel as rich as these. I will for sure recommend this to my kids when they get older! (more)

What are you reading?

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