I Keep Going...

What's your superpower?

Welcome to another installment of The Bittersweet, where I share my search for a richer perspective on the Bittersweet moments that make up modern life.

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Last weekend I ran a half marathon. When I got home, the kids asked if I won. I laughed and said, “Nope, but I didn’t stop.” 

While I ran up and down Santa Barbara’s Waterfront, I thought of two things: one, the full-body massage I scheduled for the following afternoon, and two, “This is what I can do when I keep going.” 

I admit that I’ve been in some really dark holes, some willingly chosen, but never once have I said, “I give up.” 

To trudge is my superpower.  

If you’ve been here a while you’ve heard this story before, but I’m sharing it again for those new to this space. 

A friend came to visit when Aiden was in the PICU after his first surgery. She gave us a small stuffed frog named Floyd. She’s a nurse in the ICU and told us that whenever her patients are faced with a difficult diagnosis, she makes them an origami frog. You see, frogs lack the anatomy to travel backward and can only move forward. As much as I wish I could unhear “Your son has a brain tumor.” As much as I wish he were still alive, I cannot change reality, no matter how unacceptable it seems to me; my only option is to keep going. 

Last week's election had me wondering if this world is too mean for my soft and squishy heart… Images of child separation camps, some of whom still have not been reunited with their families, flashed in my head… as did the dismissive comments I got whenever I shared these images on Facebook. Would I have to give up my soft skin to survive the taunts against my “liberal tears” from the comment section, the media, and our leaders? I like being sensitive, and while it causes me some consternation, it’s my favorite part of myself. 

And here’s where I turn to my superpower.

I’m eight years older and at least half as wiser than I was in 2016, and I think I’ve learned a few things: 

1. Americans are complicated. People I love and respect voted the other way but that does not make them bad people. I refuse to demonize half the country.  

2. Nothing is permanent. Winning elections and governing are two different things. I will be watching the price of eggs.

3. I don’t have to follow every potential catastrophe, nor do I have to listen to his voice. 

I refuse to give that man the serenity of the last half of my 40s and turn me cynical. I won’t let politics steal the joy of my prime years. I understand this is a privilege, but maybe my biggest contribution will be raising three children who will care about others as I do.

My oldest will close to voting age when the next election rolls around. I have four years to show him what he should expect of his elected leaders.

This is where I am today. Thank you for listening.

Emily

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