7 Comments
User's avatar
Daniel Appleton's avatar

If one asks how someone is doing, one should get comfy. PERHAPS after checking one's bladder. 😉

I used to get mind - numbingly LONG text messages from my stepsister. I still have the cellphone that they're on, even though it's outmoded. ( sentimentality..... )I haven't heard from her in about 6 years. I WOULD *LOVE* TO GET A MINDNUMBINGLY LONG TEXT MESSAGE FROM HER.

Expand full comment
Emily Henderson's avatar

Oh Daniel, I can hear how much you miss that connection. I can't remember where I heard this, but I'd call that ambiguous grief. When it's still possible to connect, but for whatever reason, that person is unavailable to you. I'm going through that right now with a 20-year friendship that ended in September. Sending you love today.

Expand full comment
Daniel Appleton's avatar

My stepsis is just such a GREAT person, & ever since I moved in '08, she was a lifeline for me. Thank you !

I have a cousin in the " new " locale, but she is very unempathetic & distant even when we're in the same room.

Expand full comment
Isabel Cowles Murphy's avatar

I really enjoyed this, Emily. I'm glad to know that the best response to learning someone has lost a child is just--truth. And I'm glad to have been given a deeper sense into the calculation you have to do when people ask about your family. Sounds like this guy would make a great friend.

Expand full comment
Emily Henderson's avatar

Thank you, Isabel! It's a balancing act for sure. My story makes people uncomfortable, and I understand that...the only real wrong answer is silence.

Expand full comment
Robin LaVoie's avatar

Great essay. It is incredible how grief and joy, struggle and beauty can live within and around us, simultaneously.

Expand full comment
Emily Henderson's avatar

Absolutely!!

Expand full comment