"Baby Names"

Zucchini, Honey, and a some stories about naming a tiny human.

Welcome to another installment of The Bittersweet, where I share my search for a richer perspective on the Bittersweet moments that make up modern life.

Recently, our dentist had a baby girl. They named her Honey.

When Nick was in the office a few weeks ago, the dentist said, “We went a little out of the box.” Well, yes, I’d agree, but is your baby’s name any of my business? I’m going to go with no.

Walk with me for a bit while I talk about “baby names¹.”

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I've named four of my own, and it’s never been easy. Each time we went in with a short list, and eventually we had to make it permanent.

The only time we called in outside help was when we asked Nick's best friend, who is just as immature as he is, “What rhymes with Owen?” He wanted to know what kind of nicknames he might encounter on the playground.

Family and friends pressured us to share the names we were considering. As if it were information they were entitled to, and many took it personally when we didn’t want to share. When I was pregnant with my first, a friend cornered me in the kitchen after we had her and her husband over for dinner and listed five or six of her favorite boy names. At the time, it felt like she was laying claim to all of them for the possibility that one day she might be pregnant. Now I realize how much insecurity was wrapped up in that whole conversation.

I'm not sure Nick and I ever discussed why we didn't want to share the names we were considering. I know, for me, I just didn't want anyone else's input or criticism. I didn’t want to consider anyone’s scrunched-up disapproving face when I was naming my child.

When I was pregnant with Tatum, the kids were old enough to have some input on what we might call her. Before she was born, we just called her Zucchini. It made it easier for them to deflect questions from prying adults.

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I used to volunteer as a facilitator of New Parent Groups for a local non-profit. Each week, we’d have 40-50 parents with babies aged two weeks to four months. As an icebreaker, parents shared how they came up with their baby’s name. I've heard everything from tear-filled tributes to beloved grandparents who passed just days before the child was born, to “We just liked it.”

I remember one mom crying week after week because her mother-in-law refused to call her son by his name. They named him Fox, and I remember feeling so sad that such a specific and intense time as new motherhood was tainted with silly conflict.

I also remember one mother came to the group and hadn't yet named her baby. Each week, we'd all be on pins and needles wondering if she’d finally picked a name. The baby was 12 weeks old before the birth certificate was filled out.

I wish I could remember the exact name… It was something like Juniper, Jelly Bean, or Sunshine… A real commitment name, and I remember being so happy for her. I might have been disappointed if it were something like Jane or Kim or Emily; those aren’t bad names (I happen to love my first name), but all that build up begged for a high payoff.

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If there's anything I've learned after naming four babies of my own and listening to countless stories of other parents, it’s that once the baby is named, it's impossible to imagine them as anything else. Once Tatum became Tatum, she was never Zucchini again, and that felt right.

So when the dentist says he named his daughter Honey, the only acceptable response is, “How sweet.”

This is where I am today. Thank you for listening.

In an era where you have access to every word ever written, I’m so grateful you’ve chosen to read mine.

1. Why do we call it a “baby name”? As if this tiny human will remain a baby forever. Barring a catastrophic tragedy, the infant will grow into a toddler, then a child, then (God help us) an adolescent and young adult. Their name will not be a baby name. It will just be their name.