What Are You Really Afraid Of?
It's Not Spiders, It's Uncertainty
Hello Friends,
Last week in writing class the teacher gave the prompt, “What are you really afraid of?” I wrote about spiders. Not particularly original, I know.
I re-read my response I what I think I was getting at is that my real fear is uncertainty. “I’m afraid of spiders, but not because I see them, but because I didn’t see them before I saw them.” Genius writing I know, but hey, it’s a shitty first draft.
I’m afraid of the spiders I can’t see, the ones lurking in corners, probably minding their own business, but I’m convinced are out to get me.
I look back on the things I’ve been through, the trauma I’ve experienced and with each one, I think, had I only known what was coming, it wouldn’t have hurt so bad or maybe I could have stopped it.
Sometimes this thinking keeps me from enjoying what’s in front of me, afraid or worse, convinced something bad might happen.
When my son was sick I suffered debilitating panic attacks. one really scary one on the 10 freeway in Los Angeles. My brother taught me to turn those thoughts around.
He didn’t tell me to quit thinking about the bad things, he just reminded me that good things happen too.
“They have happened before, and they will happen again.”
This Week
I wrote a post about a UCSB basketball game, an elderly woman crying, and the importance of being a good grief witness.
I was on a podcast!!! The amazing and knowledgeable team at #AmWriting Podcast took the time to coach me through structuring my memoir. My biggest takeaway was that structure is something that doesn’t have to be planned and it can reveal itself to me over as I write.
P.S. Are you enjoying this content? Why not share it with someone?
Just Finished
I’m Just Happy To Be Here: A Memoir of Renegade Mothering, by Janelle Hanchett.
I loved this book! It is an addiction memoir meets mommy blogger in the best combination of both. Hanchett is an unlikely expert in living a creative life and as a fiercely devoted mother. She doesn’t shy away from calling out her selfish motives and painful redemptions. It’s more than a drunk-a-log of shocking events so many addiction memoirs use to sell books. Hanchett tells the truth and my only wish is that she keeps writing more books!
The Last Thing He Told Me, by Laura Dave
Fully developed characters and a plot with just the right amount of twists and turns. Characters wrestle with impossible decisions each of them with forever-type consequences. The central relationship between daughter and stepmother was beautifully written.
Ten Links to Ponder
Afraid of Afraid (Seth Godin)
Believe Her (podcast from Lemonada) A new kind of true-crime story that will have you questioning what makes a good victim?
When This Runner Faced Unspeakable Tragedy, Faith Kept Her Going (Runner’s World)
How to Become Your Own Influencer (a substack newsletter from Culture Study. You do not need to subscribe to read.) “People sometimes talk about the idea of an “influencer” with condescension, as if influence only works the way it did when we were in 8th grade. You can also be influenced in a way that totally blows up your norms. You can be influenced to trust your own damn self.”
A Scientific Explanation for Your Urge to Sniff Old Books (Literary Hub)
How to Say NO! w/ Simone Biles and Laurie Hernandez (We Can Do Hard Things podcast)
My Wife Of 51 Years Died. Here's What I Learned About Grief That I Never Knew Before. (HuffPost Personal)
File Not Found (The Verge) and an article that will either give you the permission you need to never have to try and organize your digital life or make you feel old.
I finally got to watch Hocus Pocus with the kids! I didn’t particularly like explaining to the kids why being a virgin is a bad thing, but I guess that’s what you can expect from 1993. It’s still one of my favorite Halloween movies of all time and this article from NYT says maybe inappropriate kid movies aren’t all that bad.
What are you reading or listening to this week? What have you created that wasn’t there before? Post your response in the comments below or tag me on Instagram @emilykathleenwrites