Hello Friends,
I’ve been thinking a lot about the movie Toy Story. Woody is Andy’s favorite toy, and he takes his job very seriously. He feels his sole purpose is to be there for his child in whatever way he needs, and that includes being packed in a box and left in the basement.
I think about Woody when I look at the bins in the garage marked “toys.”
Just before Aiden was diagnosed, we pulled out the Thomas the Train set. Owen and Peyton were long done playing with it, but Aiden had just hit the age where he was ready to roll Thomas along his track.
Owen helped lay down the track on our back patio, and Peyton pulled out all the trains, breathing life into the old hand-me-downs.
But then Aiden got sick, and a month or so later, I packed up the train set, and no one has played with it since. I wonder if Thomas and the other trains were confused.
I think about Woody when I see Aiden’s baby toys or books, but it hits me hardest when I look at his car seat.
Because while his toys were there for fun and comfort, his car seat was supposed to keep him safe.
The car seat rode home empty with us when we left the hospital without Aiden. I wonder if the toys we had in the hospital told the car seat what happened. I wonder if they filled in the rest of the toys when we got home. Some of them still stand sentinel in my room, maybe now understanding they are here to comfort me.
Soon I will re-install the car seat in preparation for our little Zucchini (our pet name for the baby) coming in January.
I hope the car seat feels useful again in the same way Woody felt when Andy played with him. I assume it has the same anxiety I do about being responsible for the health and safety of a newborn. I hope, like me, the fear won’t get in the way of the joy and happiness this new baby will bring.
This is where I am today. Thank you for listening.
xoxo,
Emily
Your Journal Prompt for Today
Post your response in the comments below or tag me on Instagram @emilykathleenwrites
Read This Week(or not)
I have three books going now; one on audio, one on the page, and one on the reader, and I couldn’t get to the end of any of them. Stay tuned for reviews on a book about a woman chemist in 1952, a widow/poet, or a Texan memoirist…
What are you reading?
Links to Ponder
Magic Mike is back, and I cannot wait for this thirsty display of hot feminism (Vulture)
F.R.I.E.N.D.S.G.I.V.I.N.G. episodes ranked (Vulture)
You Can’t Tetris Your Way Out of Trauma. A poem (Electric Literature)
In California, trees are king (New York Times)
Thanksgiving in the ’80s was better (grown & Flown)
Is it still home if your best friend moves away? (Bazaar)
Eight Seconds to pain and glory. “Go until your body gives out.” An interesting look at cowboys and what it means to be a “real man” (Washington Post)
This is happening on Thanksgiving! (Coffee and Crumbs)
“Stop trying to arrange your life in accordance with other people’s plans for you.” Lessons from Dirty Dancing. Also, Jennifer Gray has a new memoir I’m dying to read. (Catapult)
If you only have time for one thing… Native sovereignty is in peril again… or, more accurately, always has been. I binged both seasons of This Land over the weekend. Strict Scrutny gives an update on a case currently being argued in front of the Supreme Court. If you think you know the story, I promise you don’t.
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This was beautiful to read. Thank you.