Fresh Start

And here I stand at the beginning.

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Hello Friends,

I crammed a lot of writing in the last few months of 2022. I wanted to get a good chunk of the book I am forever working on done-ish before this baby comes.

In my writing and re-writing, I keep returning to the line,

“And here I stand at the beginning.”

I wrote about the day Aiden died, and when I typed out the final words of his final hours, words that should mean the end of everything; of happiness, of joy, the end of the world as I know it, I found myself thinking, “And here I stand at the beginning.”

Every beginning is an ending, and every ending is a beginning of sorts, and the path ahead is unknowable.

Here we stand together at the beginning of a New Year with all its promise, and for the first time in a while, I feel more excited than apprehensive.

I have always loved the New Year.

I wrote about it in 2021 when I first read Joan Didion. And again, in 2022, when I suggested we all run backward. I wrote about stupid New Year’s phrases like “New Year, New You” in 2019.

I like to set goals (run a marathon) and dream up projects (write a memoir). I love to set a word of the year (INTENTIONAL). I tried The Year-End-Recap by Tim Ferriss; it forced me to look back week by week at what worked (writing classes) and what didn’t (the anxiety of my first trimester).

I have so much to look forward to in 2023.

A return to running, yoga, sweating, and breathing hard.

A full remodel of our house.

I’m excited about the books I will read and the words I will write.

And, of course, I am excited to welcome a new baby into our family. I

… Maybe the kids and I will talk Nick into getting a dog, too, because, you know, what’s one more thing?

There will be fear, anxiety, and doubt, but I hope to have those thoughts with less attachment this year. I hope to watch them flow by me like a leaf floating down a stream.

This weekend, God willing, I will have 15 years of sobriety. That’s a lot of “one-day-at-a times” put together. Since getting sober, one of the most valuable things I have learned is, “You can start your day over at any time.”

Maybe you made a list of resolutions on January 1st, and you’ve already broken every one. I can relate. Maybe they weren’t the right resolutions. Maybe they didn’t align with what you really want from 2023, or maybe they are, but you’re too afraid of failure or too afraid of success.

Know that you can start your year over at any time too. I did in 2008 when I got sober. I did it again after Aiden’s diagnosis, after his death, and when I found out I was pregnant, and I will again in a few weeks when this baby is born. It’s not a clean slate. You still have knowledge of the past, but you don’t have to bring all of the past with you into the present.

You can resolve, right now, to be the kind of person who… (fill in the blank)

And here you stand at the beginning…

This is where I am today. Thank you for listening.

xoxo,

Emily

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Your Journal Prompt for Today

Drop your response in the comments below or tag me on Instagram @emilykathleenwrites

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Read This Week

How Y'all Doing?: Misadventures and Mischief from a Life Well Lived by Leslie Jordan

"a Life Well-Lived" What a perfect subtitle for this lovely little memoir. Leslie Jordan was a beautiful human, and I am so grateful he got these words on the page before he was gone. I will forever ask myself, "What would Leslie do?” (more)

Me Before You by Jojo Moyes

This is a re-listen for me. I returned to this title because Jojo Moyes has written many books people love, and since I'm officially a Taylor Jenkins Reed completist, I'm looking for a new writer to follow. This book does one thing I love: putting characters in uncomfortable moral dilemmas that force me to ask myself, "What would I do?" (more)

What are you reading?

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Links to Ponder

I’m so excited to start running again in 2023! Here are thirteen reasons why I’m starting with the half marathon (Runner’s World)

Heart health and women. Know the signs and symptoms. (The Washington Post)

From the first run after giving birth to a last run with a four-legged friend, here are stories of the best runs of 2022. (The New York Times)

Silly holidays to celebrate in 2023. My birthday falls on National Be Late For Something Day! (Washington Post)

Elon Musk demonstrates he neither understands Dystopian fiction nor Venn diagrams when he “Tweeted what looks like an old meme whipped up by an edgy 15-year-old who just lost his Xbox privileges for a week” (Lit Hub)

These tacos look delicious! (Dinner, A Love Story)

Friendships and parenthood. (Washinton Post)

If you only have time for one thing… Five of my favorite productivity tips that I need more of in 2023.

1. FocusMate.com Connect with people from all over the world and get some $hit done!

2. Tree.FM Listen to a random forest while you get your work done.

3. Coffee Shop Playlists With the new baby almost here, I will have to set my coffee shop vibe to get my writing done.

4. PomoFocus Get your focus on 25 minutes at a time.

5. Headspace.com Take ten minutes to get your mind right before you tackle that to-do list.

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Final Thought

Any time you hit reply to a newsletter, it goes straight into my Inbox. I might not reply immediately, but I’ll definitely get back to you!